Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
