told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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