Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
