don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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