Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
