I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
