If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
