I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
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I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
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She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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