where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
