So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
