sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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