That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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