Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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