Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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