her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
