I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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