was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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