Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
