I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I will pee on everything he values.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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