so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
