don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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