Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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