Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
