yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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