No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
