We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
