I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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