also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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