Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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