I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
