I'm so fucking centered right now
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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