I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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