I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i permit you to call me
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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