I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
