I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
My penis needs a shock collar
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
