I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
