i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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