Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
