I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
