So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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