Small penises have feelings too.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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