he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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