a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
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Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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