How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
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Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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