I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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