broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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