Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
