You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
