I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
