Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
