Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
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On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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