Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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