i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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