I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
