I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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