Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
