PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
