I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
