you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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