do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
