Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
