A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
